I think i'm experiencing a midlife crisis in my early twenties... and I don't like it. Often times I'm unsure of what I'm actually doing in school. What would life be if I were more studious, athletic and more persevering in my work. I evny those people who actually plan their life. They exactly know where they will be in 10 - 20 years. As for me, I don't even know what will happen to me in 5 years. I don't have any dreams like what most people have. I don't think I even have a future.
I guess everyone knows that I would be delayed for one year at UAP. Damn Comm Theory! Ok... it was partly my fault... but still... DAMN COMM THEORY!! Because of that... i don't even know what i'll be doing this semester. I'm afraid that because of that I wouldn't get the job I want. Oh well...
I was talking to my cousin over dinner. I asked her if it would look good in my resume if I had at least worked somewhere. I was thinking about Starbucks. Free Coffee and shit. At least I'm earning. She asked me what I really want to do. I said I want to work in an advertising agency doing creatives. She said:
cgurado ka? long hours....?
OO! basta creatives....
kelangan mo ng connections.
punyetang connections! lahat ba sa mundong ito kelangan ng connections? wala ka ba mararating sa buhay kung wala kang connections? Hindi ba pwede na dahil sa iyong paghihirap (at hindi dahil sa connections) nakapasok ka sa kompanyang gusto mo? punyeta!! naiinis ako sa mga connections sa bansang ito.
Maybe I'm not really supposed to be in IMC. I can actually remember what my mentor said that last time I saw her. I was complaning to her about something (confidential):
Honey... that's not how it goes in the real world. You really have to step on people to get what you want. That's how it is in the real world. Not only that.. you have to have connections... If I only knew your attitude was like this before you entered comm... I wouldn't have appreoved your application for Comm... dapat nag Educ ka nalang.. mas bagay ang mga katulad mo dyan. Mahinhin... Kasi ikaw... nagpapatapak ka sa mga tao... pinapayagan mo tapakan ka ng mga tao.
HARSH!! dinamay pa talaga yung educ! labo men...
OK. But she has a point. But is it really like that? In order to get to the posititon you want you have to step on people? Is it really like that in the "real world"?
pucha.. eh kung ganun lang.. bat pa tayo nagaaral ng Ethics and business ethics? so parang sinasabi lang niya na... cge pagaralan mo ito kahit na hindi mo rin magagamit sa totoong buhay.. sabagay.. kainan lang naman diyan eh.
kaya cguro hindi umuunlad ang ating bansa. imbes na magtulungan tayo paramakamit ang ating mga pangarap.. magkanya-kanya nalang tayo. Eto nga cguro ang tinatawag na crab mentality ng mga pilipino. Sa ibang bansa ganito rin ba? Cguro merun rin pero hindi naman cguro lantaran, harap harapan na siraan. Merun pero merun parin tulungan kahit paano.
I saw this in my email... kinda long... from kadadowns:
Being Twenty-Something:
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get hot and scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and
cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. The stupid ones plateau, the smart ones rise.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else, too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and
random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You wonder what the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them. We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been.
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in in this world
isa lang ang solusyon dyan... ITULOG MO NALANG. AMEN. PERIOD.
2 comments:
Liz, dear, what I meant about having connections was that if you want a good job in a good agency right away, it helps if you know someone there. I did not say that you won't make it if you don't know anyone. Mas madadalian ka lang if you do. If you don't know anyone, you have to start in a small agency and work yourself up or transfer to another agency in a few years. Advertising creatives is so competitive that you need something that will make you stand out. You all have talent, so what's the X-factor?
PS. Don't mind my ranting that night. I, too, was having a quarter life crisis.
Cheers,
Gidget
It's ok cuz :D No biggie
(I actually forgot about this post. And our conversation that night.)
But isn't that the reality here in the Philippines rin naman?
Hahahahaha
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